He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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