VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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