you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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