Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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