Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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