Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize