Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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