drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize