I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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