And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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