i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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