i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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