He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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