I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize