if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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