Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize