I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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