good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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