can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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