I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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