so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize