Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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