just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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