my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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