I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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