Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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