i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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