he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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