She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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