My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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