you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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