she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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