Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize