Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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