There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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