Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize