You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize