I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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