I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize