I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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