I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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