i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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