Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize