yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize