I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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