You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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