I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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