I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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