I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
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think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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