he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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